If you are considering or preparing for a divorce, it will be a difficult time. It is full of emotions you may never have. Even if you are the person who initiated the divorce, it is still tricky. Due to the highly emotional element of divorce, it’s easy to make mistakes without even thinking about the ramifications of doing so. To ensure a smooth process, these are the things you want to avoid doing during a divorce.
Talking Bad about Your Ex
Not to your kids, not to your parents, not to your friends – don’t talk bad about your ex to anyone if you have kids. The kids take these things to heart. Even if it’s all true, they don’t need to hear those things about their parents with very few exceptions. They are part of their parents, and it hurts them.
Allowing Your Emotions to Dictate Your Actions
When you are in a high mood, it is difficult to intuitively. If you make them emotional, you will be off course.
However, the way to determine the next step is to let go of emotions and look at the facts. Regardless of how everything affects the child, whether the child is a baby or an adult with a baby, divorce will affect them in some way. Don’t let them hide it, but make sure to talk to your child as soon as you know what happened and how it works.
Hiding Financial Information
Don’t lie about money when you’re divorcing to make your situation look either better or worse for the courts. If you’re going to end up in court, they will figure it out and you’ll end up looking bad. Don’t listen to the fear mongers about the cost of child support and that type of thing. Listen to your attorney.
Focusing on the Past
Since the divorce, why is it really okay-almost no exceptions. The exception might have to do with abuse or any type of danger. Other than that, judges don’t care about affairs and who left the toilet seat up. Leave that in the past. You are getting divorced now instead of dealing with them like this anymore.
Refusing to Compromise
Don’t participate in negotiations that are unwilling to seek a middle ground. When it comes to individual decisions, it’s mostly already decided for you based on tables and charts and basic formulas the court system has already developed. Anything outside that, you’d do better just to let it go and try to meet in the middle.
Not Getting Your Own Attorney
Don’t try to go through a divorce without an attorney unless you are going to also be friends after the divorce. If there are any bones of contention, you’re better off getting an attorney to help you with it to ensure you get a settlement that is fair for you and your kids. Even if you have no money of your own, go to an attorney anyway; the first visit is usually free.
Listening to Family and Friends
When it comes to choices you are making regarding the settlement in your divorce, the last people you should listen to are your friends and family. They have no idea what your relationship is really like, and they also don’t know the law. The law is unambiguous on specific aspects of divorce, and you’re not going to change that. For example, without the strong support of lawyers, social workers and judges, do not isolate your child from other parents for any reason.
Using the Children as Weapons
The saddest thing that happens during divorce is when parents use the children as weapons against each other. Even though things went down in your marriage, the most important thing is to put your kids first. That is their parent, and barring real danger, a negative word should never leave your mouth about their parent.
No one is perfect. If you have read this list and realize you’re already doing some of these things, it’s okay. Forgive yourself and understand that you’re just human. Now find a way to stop doing it and fix the issue. That way you won’t have any regrets. After all, getting a divorce should be a way to end pain and trauma. It can be if you go into it with the right frame of mind. A good attorney can really help you with the process.